Most of my close friends know that I've been back on the scene. They've been watching from a far while I go on dates and wait for me to come back with an exciting and interesting story. Truth is it's been far from exciting or interesting.
First dates are so over rated; Awkward first meetings, surprising first kisses, and the do you or do I pay faces...
I've learnt something different from each one of these dates though. Each one just confirms another aspect of my self-love and self-worth.
Date 1: Lesson 1 - I will not be judged for my choices, my mistakes and my way of living
Date 2: Lesson 2 - I will no longer be an option
Date 3: Lesson 3 - I am a person who wants someone to compliment me, not complete me
Lesson 3 was the strongest message of them all for me. I have realized that I am ready to be in a committed relationship with someone who knows what they want, how they feel and is ready to enjoy their life with another completely whole person.
I've never been one for meaningless relationships or interactions. I have always fallen fast and hard. I have always given 110% to anyone and everyone in my life but now I know that I need someone who is ready to do the exact same and won't settle for less.
I've also learnt another valuable lesson; They're the same but not the same.
All grown men but yet all different. Date 1 - Kind, Gentle and knows the love of God, Date 2 - Funny, Entertaining and Shared so many interests, Date 3 - Understanding, Approachable and made me feel comfortable but not one of them was a complete person. Each one had their flaws like we all do but these flaws were something I couldn't fix.
Self-love is not something you can give someone, you can show them that they are worthy of love but you shouldn't empty your cup to fill up someone else's.
I'm still hopeful but I won't be searching. I know that there is another complete and whole person out there who will eventually cross my path at the right time when they too are ready.
Till then, I'll keep playing the game of where's Wally...