Lonely, so freaking lonely. That's the only way to describe how I've been feeling lately and honestly I didn't want to write because of it.
Ive been in such a great headspace the last week but I just can't stop myself from feeling lonely. Now I say feeling because I'm not actually alone. I've got plenty of friends and family around me, had more dates than you can poke a stick at and I've been so busy with work. But I'm feeling a different kind of lonely...
I guess my problem is I've always been in long term relationships which meant I always had someone to come home to and now I just have Bentley (my dog). Its so quiet in my house, my bed is cold and I've got no one to make me a cup of tea haha!!
What worries me is that I may make a bad decision because I'm lonely. I may choose to waste my time on someone who doesn't deserve all of this Erbhie greatness that I've been manifesting over the last 7 months And thats when I remember I said to a friend when he was also feeling the same way: "You should never seek someone out of loneliness". Now Look at me listening to my own advice!
So this morning I asked myself "why am I lonely?" "Am I lonely because I come home to an empty house?" "Am I lonely because I have no one to be my big spoon?". The truth is I'm not actually lonely, I'm giving myself time with myself.
In my moments of my solitude, I am giving myself the opportunity to know, grow and love myself more. Have you ever heard the saying "how can you hear me in a room full of noise"? How can I learn to love myself if I'm too busy focusing on filling my life with other people? How can I develop a strong relationship with myself if I'm trying to build a relationship with someone else?
So this feeling stops here, I will no longer say that I feel lonely because I'm not alone. I have this beautiful soul waiting for me at home who makes a pretty bad ass cup of tea and knows how to reheat last nights left overs just right <3 This person knows who I am and gets me 110% <3 This person has learnt to love my flaws and helps make me stronger every day <3 This person is talented and has a big heart <3 That person is ME!